dreamed of consulting smart guy about my dignity. ^dreamed anxious about my sexual arouse not strong enough. then visit one of my classmate, Chen Yangsheng, a slim and sensitive boy with enviable silver complexion and one of smartest pal in my memory. he led me to ramble and made checklist to test my tendency. after some close questions he raised to inspect, I entrusted him and told him how I felt gifted or chosen since I was young. a kid boy or girl squat near us and watched us, before we end talk and I woke up. yes, I really sensed how I assured about my destiny of chosen when I was a kid. I was trusted by so many noble people, including my parents and siblings. I was so sure that most things in the world won't hurt nor break me, eventually. I felt the pain and proud to claim the fact, before a scientist like Chen. its a mild sunny morning after sultry yesterday, and dwelling rains in May, 2014. passed lunar dragon boat day costs more than expected but joys be worth it. we rushed to pick an 3D animation in cinema but regret after found its a Chinese product. we also rushed to pick a steak buffet after movie, but son didn't eat much among the rich choices. next day I treated him fish hotpot, for I missing fish with hot peppers cooked in my hometown, but we again didn't find proper compensation, at least not in the meal. day by day I saw my son's growth of independence, it sometimes hurt by my presence. but at least this holiday, I saw my son delighted together. we made progress in video games as usual. God, I beg ur assurance of mighty of love, overcome of rebellious personality. I beg u of innocence of company. God, dad, bring me sooner my Royal China, my girls into new family fruitful. dad, God, allow my son space in such a condensed cell of surveillance. cover us with enough sleep in front of dark eyes and evil speculations. thx, dad.