dreamt of Japanese murdering. in dawn dream, some Japanese girls likely actors I followed in google+ appear. some of them fell into love and let me admire. then saw gangsters in Japan. a short boy commanded his pals throw a victim into lake, then electricized the water. the victim likely shocked and paralyzed. when crowd approached to the crime scene, I woke up and don't know death end or just pains as punishment. yesterday my kid brother contacted me, first by sms asking if I need to buy anything on him. I blamed him always likes to do the less money concerned task, rather than directly give me loan. God, I don't know where his mercy came from, but I told him my review of his bravo: 3 times saved me from asylum by led me out of the insane treatment there. I said he doesn't owe me but I owe our dad for his late youngest boy, my kid brother and his helping hand. then my brother called in, allow my detailed explanation how my life wonderful, meaningful and thankful. after the conversation he dropped me another ￥2000 in a year. I paid back my credit with the aid at once, left less than 9,000 on account yet to pay, but minimum of the month covered. last week I first time realized I need slow down my living rhythm to outrun a marathon to see out my son's growing up, till his marriage, his social presence. I had tried to present my son best of mine, it more or less exhausted me. aging put me into more and more naps. but I need a strategy to outpost our situation agile around the full journey on the earth before we settle in God's shine. every day bites me, maintains me in hope and endure. I need plan to cope the worn out. God, dad, I still in faith of my new family, my girls and my offspring arriving. grant me Royal China to home my family. bring me insight upon development of my business, demiocracy of China. thx, dad, this cool morning before breakfast spiritual.