dreamt first about resort in farming field to treat insomnia. my once colleague in QRRS, Chi, a shameless bureaucracy career chaser, also in the farm resort and likely surveillance me. then dream being a rebellion, with his 2 comrades, one titled cloud blade, 云锋 in Chinese, one titled period blade, 节锋 in chinese. the latter likely betrayed to and murdered by our enemies. I with cloud blade probing the missing of our comrade, among risky mob of rebellions and counter rebellions. its a pale morning since last drizzling night. I missed 2 breakfasts and kept awake earlier not to miss it again. yesterday PSBC local branch buzzed again that its his last call before possible seizure of my salary card if I unable return credit deficit in time in last chance. if so, I would have to make a living alone beside salary offered by my once and long time employer, QRRS, an old style SOE, whose poor salary forces me to loan and miserable. I yet configured the ethic aspect of my financial status, but likely change occurs now, for surviving myself and my son. finding a job always daunting challenge for me, used to be casual and common. lower salary or lower skill intensified, that's likely a balance I will strike. God, its not easy for a man in his near 50s to be relocated. grant us life we enjoy so far. grant us balance between personal achievement and social contribution. dad, God, bring me sooner my Royal China to boast sinking PRC. bring me affordable entrepreneur for better life and time management.